


Off-Limits

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Pain, Roleplay, Strap-Ons, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-01
Updated: 2007-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-13 23:06:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Die meets a fan who cosplays so well that it's like looking at a reflection of his best friend, he can't resist the temptation to do the one thing that's always been off-limits to him. One thing leads to another... but how will it all end when Kyo confronts him about it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the diexkyocontests Contest (December 1st - February 1st). Um... please just give this a chance. I know the warnings may be a bit squick-worthy to those who don't like the guys to be with girls. I swear to you, this is just a plot device, so stick with me, dang it! [More will be posted as I complete it.]

Die shifted against the wall he was leaning on as he reached out to shake the next person's hand. It was a totally different experience; being in America and doing all these meet and greet events. But in a way, he enjoyed it. All these crazy American fans, all dressed up like them or in fancy gothic or trashy punk clothing. And sometimes, the most random shit would happen. This one time, there were these two girls who were chained to each other while he and Kaoru were shaking hands. That had really been something. Die grinned more at the memory than at the person in front of him, but he figured it probably came off as if he'd understood what the person was saying and he just kept grinning until they trudged off and the next person came up.

He stuck out his hand and a familiar tattoo greeted his field of vision. Slightly perplexed, he glanced up and blinked in shock. The person in front of him was obviously a cosplayer, the subtle differences giving them away. But for all intents and purposes... the person _was_ Kyo. To be exact, _cage_ era Kyo. Except their tattoos seemed to match Kyo's current ones rather than what he'd had back then. He released the person's hand, realizing he was holding it an exceptional amount of time longer than he should have been. He coughed softly as he took in the rest of the outfit. "Nice."

They flashed him a peace sign and grinned, looking rather like Kyo on the rare occasions that he smiled. Die shook his head and then pointed at the tattoos. "Those real?"

"Yep, sure are!"

He startled slightly at the blatantly feminine voice issuing from the person in front of him. So it was a chick that looked like this... interesting. He tilted his head and simply stared at her longer than he really intended to. He gestured at her. "Turn?"

She turned around, waited a moment, and then turned back to face him again before leaning on the table between them a bit and smirking at him. "Like what you see?"

The guard to Die's left coughed and started to come forward. Die held out his hand to block the man, making eye contact for a second to silently tell him it was fine. He turned back to the girl and smiled sweetly as he leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Maybe I do..."

She slipped the marker gently from his hand and turned his fingers so his palm was facing up and then neatly scrawled her phone number across it. "Call me then." She slid the marker back on the table, winked at him, waved, and walked off.

He watched her go as the line started moving once more. His gaze kept flicking around, hoping to catch a glance of her again as he paid almost no attention to the people who now passed in front of him. At one point, he even forgot he was supposed to be shaking hands and Kaoru had to kick him under the table to make him pay attention.

By the time the event was over and they all piled into the van to head toward their hotel for the night, he couldn't think of anything except the girl that looked just like Kyo. He knew why she held such fascination for him, but was loathe to admit it. He'd always felt something just a little more than friendship for his fellow bandmate and this girl was something like a free ticket to get what he'd always wanted without Kyo ever knowing. Of course Kaoru would know... but he'd just say he found chicks with tattoos hot and that she was still a chick under all the clothes and makeup. Kaoru was a reasonable man; surely he'd understand the need to release some tension in the midst of this three-month tour in a foreign country.

He sighed as he leaned his head back against the seat, letting his eyes fall closed, a slight smile hovering around the edges of his lips. So long as he let himself pretend, he'd have Kyo for just one night. Once couldn't hurt... right?

The van pulled up at the hotel and everyone piled out. The strap on Kyo's bag broke when he slung it over his shoulder and he started cursing loud enough to wake anyone who may have been asleep already. Die rushed to help him pick up the contents and then valiantly carried the bag inside for the vocalist, despite all the protesting Kyo was doing about it. They got their room assignments and keys from Inoue, and Die and Kyo traipsed up to their rooms, which were side by side on the fourth floor. He dumped Kyo's bag on his bed and turned away, leaving the room and going to his own. Kyo's quiet thank you echoed after him, but he couldn't bring himself to respond, knowing just what he was going to do once he got settled in his own room.

An hour later, he sat by the small brown phone provided by the hotel, the scrap of paper he'd transferred the girl's number onto clutched tightly in his hand, nervous butterflies flitting in his stomach. One part of him told him to do it, just jump headlong into it and never look back. The other part told him to be rational about it, that he'd regret it if he did this. He closed his eyes for a moment and before he could think any more on it, his fingers closed around the phone and he found himself dialing her number. Two rings later, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Um... hi."

"... Die?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, wow. I didn't think you'd really call!"

"Did you not want me to?"

"No! I mean, yes! I wanted you to!"

He chuckled softly, realizing she was just as nervous as he was. He swallowed hard, steeling his nerves, but before he could speak, she did.

"So... is this a midnight booty call?"

"A what?" Suddenly he realized just how much his English truly lacked.

"Sex. Do you want sex?"

He blinked down at the paper he held in mild surprise. Maybe she was more like Kyo than he'd anticipated. Even her blunt personality was reminding him of the vocalist. "Uh... yes?"

"Then where are you? I'll be there as soon as I can."

"The Hotel 9, next to the interstate."

"Room?"

"Four-eighteen."

"Okay, see you in like... ten minutes."

She hung up and Die sat there for a minute staring at the phone in slight disbelief. He'd done it. He'd really done it. There was no turning back now. Slowly he hung up the phone and turned down the bed. He smoothed one hand through his still slightly damp hair and then went to his bag and rummaged around until he found what he was looking for - a condom and lubricant. He set them on the nightstand beside the bed and shoved his overnight bag back into the corner of the room with his foot. He trudged into the bathroom and ran a comb through his hair, put on more deodorant, and even put on a little of the black eyeliner he'd, as of yet, been unable to separate himself from. Some habits died harder than others.

A loud knock on the door made him jump slightly and he was thankful he'd just been setting down the eyeliner pencil and hadn't almost stabbed his eye out with it. He pulled open the door and stepped aside to let the girl in, staring at her in mild shock. He closed and locked the door behind her and then watched as she knelt to take off her shoes - perfect duplicates of Kyo's present shoes, he noted. Unable to resist it, he reached out and slid his hand over her jean-clad ass, gently squeezing one cheek before sliding his hand down slightly, thinking to get this going with as little discussion as possible. He paused as something hard met his fingertips rather than the soft, pliable skin he'd expected. Slowly he slipped his hand further up, only to realize he could feel the outline of a rather hard cock in her pants. "What...?" Confusion clouded his features for a moment before she stood, pushing his hand away as she turned around and looped her hands around his neck.

"It's fake, don't worry. I'm really a girl if that's what you're worried about."

He stared at her like she'd lost her mind for a few moments before he gathered his wits enough to speak. "Then why?" He gestured helplessly at her pants.

"The whole thing isn't complete if all I'm packing is what God gave me. If I'm trying to be Kyo, then I need to be complete, don't you think?"

“Is that not taking it too far?"

"Hardly... but this may be." She leaned up and kissed him, almost begging him with her tongue to deepen it; something he gladly gave her after a few moments. His fingers slid into her hair, gently pulling. It certainly wasn't a wig she was wearing, it was her own hair she'd cut, dyed, and styled just like Kyo's. He moaned softly into her mouth, backing her toward the bed. When her legs hit the edge of it, they both collapsed on top of it and almost immediately Die slid between her legs, grinding himself against her. The feel of the fake cock pressing back against him did nothing but fuel the fires he'd tried so desperately to put out for so long now. He groaned softly before pulling back and trailing kisses down to the tattoo on her neck. He trailed his tongue over the D and the A - slowly, purposefully, precisely.

She moaned and he smiled against her skin. Her hands tangled in his hair as she panted softly. "Uhn... Die..."

He shifted his hips against hers again, his erection pressing against hot skin and the rigid cock in her pants. He almost let Kyo's name slip past his lips, but then realized what a mistake that would be, not to mention just how incredibly rude. "What's your name, sweetie?"

"Call me Kyo."

He pulled back to blink down at her. "You're kidding?"

She shook her head, reaching out for him again. "I'm not. Do it. I know you want this for more than just to screw some random girl. The look on your face is enough to tell me that."

He shook his head slightly, starting to get off the bed. He couldn't. If he did... no, he just couldn't. It wouldn't be right.

"Die... it'll stay between us. If it doesn't, you can sue me for slander."

He stilled, hesitating just long enough that he knew she'd know she was right, that this was precisely what he wanted. This pathetic game of role-play where she played the only man he'd ever wanted... one of the few people in the world who was completely off limits to him. A soft sigh left his lips and he moved back over her. "Fine... Kyo."

She smirked up at him as he grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked it backward before trailing his tongue down her throat. “I suppose you want it up the ass too, then."

"Damn straight."

He let out a low moan before his hands grasped her jeans and all but ripped them from her body. They slid away in much the same way he'd envisioned Kyo's doing if he left his belt one notch too loose. Her CK boxers made him chuckle, as he knew the brand and the color all too well, the way they peeked out from under Kyo's too-low pants all the time. He palmed the fake cock in his hand, roughly jerking it a few times. She lifted her hips and let out a low moan of pleasure, her head falling back and her body arching up into the touch. Die fumbled with his own jeans for a moment before glancing back up at her. "Turn over." She struggled out of her boxers before obliging and turning over, settling herself on all fours. He slid off the bed and grabbed the condom and lube before coming back and finally freeing his straining erection from the confines of his pants. Sliding his fingers over her ass, he leaned in for a moment to kiss the small amount of skin showing where her t-shirt had ridden up. He pulled away and ripped the condom open with his teeth, quickly rolling it over his erection. The cap of the lube snapped harshly when he popped it open and she swatted one hand behind her.

"Don't. He'd want it to hurt..." her voice dropped an octave, "I want it to hurt."

He stared at her for half a second before discarding the lube, recapping it and tossing it toward his bag. He leaned over her, his erection pressing against her ass. "Whatever you want... Kyo." As he spoke the name, he thrust his hips harshly forward, sinking into her tight heat in one movement. "Fuck..."

A harsh cry ripped from her lips as Die penetrated her unprepared body. But the pain was a welcome sensation, the knowledge of who was causing it more than enough to make it okay.

Almost urgently, Die began to thrust, his fingertips digging into her hips as he slammed into her over and over. He bit his lip, trying desperately not to let Kyo's name escape him with each thrust. She shifted slightly beneath him and grabbed one of his hands in her own, tugging it forward. Her words were whispered so quietly, he barely heard them, "Touch me." Her fingers wrapped his around the strap on, which from the feel of it, was decidedly one of the double-ended kind. Quickly he began to jerk it in time with his thrusts, his pleasure mounting with each plunge he took into the body below him.

She cried out below him and suddenly her body spasmed around him, the muscles tightening almost painfully and then releasing over and over. He thrust faster, harder, desperately seeking the welcoming arms of release. As he fell over the edge, Kyo's name spilled from his lips in an almost-scream. He collapsed against her back, panting softly before he pulled out and forced himself to get up and flush the condom.

By the time he'd cleaned up and came back into the bedroom, she was fully dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed. Die swallowed hard, unsure of what he was really supposed to do at this point. But she saved him from it all, standing and coming over, gently kissing him once more and then floating out the door like nothing in the world was wrong about what had just transpired. "Night, Die." Her voice drifted back into the room, almost haunting as the door closed behind her.

~ + ~ + ~ + ~

Once in the hallway, she turned to leave, knowing it'd be best if she removed herself as fast as possible after they'd made so much ruckus in the room. With one last glance at the door, she began walking toward the exit, only to almost run smack into someone. Her eyes widened as she realized she was face-to-face with the real Kyo.

Kyo leaned back against the wall, eyeing the girl in front of him almost suspiciously. It was almost like staring at himself in a mirror... almost, but not quite. Subtle things were different. He reached out, unabashedly lifting her sleeve and trailing a finger over her tattoo. "It's a little off."

She blinked at him almost stupidly and he laughed softly as he pushed away from the wall, going around her and inserting his key card into his door. He glanced over his shoulder at her, a smirk dancing over his lips. "And there's one piercing you'll never get right." With that, he entered his room, letting the door slam shut behind him.

He shook his head as he slipped his shoes off and got ready for bed. That had certainly put a whole new spin on things. He'd known Die was screwing someone in the next room. They'd been loud enough to drive him to leaving to go stand out in the parking lot and smoke. But to know that his own bandmate, his best friend, had been fucking his lookalike... that was a whole other matter entirely. Questions flooded his mind and as he lay down and turned off the light. He knew that he'd likely never get an answer to any of them in this lifetime. Eventually sleep claimed him, but still his mind refused to rest, creating scenarios and scenes that'd leave even the most straight of men hard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Die meets a fan who cosplays so well that it's like looking at a reflection his best friend, he can't resist the temptation to do the one thing that's always been off-limits to him. One thing leads to another... but how will it all end when Kyo confronts him about it?

Kyo glanced up from his writing pad as Die shoved past Kaoru, headed toward the back of the bus. He knew he should talk to his friend, but he couldn't bring himself to do so, half afraid that he'd bring up what he'd seen the other night. It had been three days and Die was obviously avoiding him. In some respect, it provided Kyo with part of the answers that he wanted. It told him that Die had done exactly what he'd thought and that he either regretted it or enjoyed it a bit too much for things to be normal between them. He sighed as he put his pen down, glancing at Kaoru, who was glaring after Die. "I'll talk to him..."

Kaoru didn't even bother looking at him, he simply shook his head. "No way in hell. I'll do it. Sit your ass down and stay here." He headed off after Die, determination and slight annoyance evident on his face. The brunette found Die stoved up in a corner in the back, a sour expression on his face. He stood over him, meaning to seem exactly as intimidating as he appeared. "What the fuck is going on with you?"

Die cringed and looked up. "I... nothing."

"Bull-fucking-shit. Either you tell me or you'll be telling Inoue once he gets wind of this shit." Kaoru crossed his arms over his chest, only succeeding in adding to his confrontational air.

Die stared down at the floor, finding it to be a far easier place to look at this point. He shrugged. "I fucked up. That's all."

"With what? I haven't heard you mess up on stage lately."

He shook his head. "Not on stage... you... you know the other day, at the meet and greet you and I did? That girl...?"

Kaoru bit his lip, trying hard not to jump to conclusions... and failing miserably. "You fucked her, didn't you?"

Die winced. "Yes."

"Oh for the love of... fucking hell, Die! What in the grand scheme of things possessed you to do that?"

"It doesn't matter why I did it... just that I did."

Kaoru shook his head. "You couldn't be more wrong. It matters why. It matters that you did. It matters that you'd even consider doing something so asininely stupid!" He glanced back over his shoulder where Kyo was peering curiously back at them and lowered his voice significantly. "Now why the fuck did you do it?"

"I... I just needed to release some tension, that's all... and I dig chicks with tattoos."

"That sounds like a well rehearsed lie if I've ever heard one. You know as well as I do just why you'd pull something like that. You just need to admit it to yourself or you'll keep being an asshole to everyone around you." He leaned down, placing his hands on the wall on either side of Die's head. "You're ruining your friendship with Kyo, something I thought you cherished a hell of a lot more than to just throw it all away like this. You're making us all want to strangle you for your sour-ass attitude. Was getting laid really worth all that?" When Die didn't respond immediately, Kaoru slammed his fist into the wall beside the other guitarist's head. "Was it?!"

Die shook his head almost frantically. "No! No, it wasn't fucking worth it, damn you! I feel horrible for what I did, I regret doing it, and frankly, I want this tour to be over with so I can just fucking leave! So get off my ass about it!" He reached out, shoving Kaoru out of his way as he stormed back toward the front of the bus.

Kyo watched Die stomp past him, slightly startled by the outburst from the normally calm and level-headed guitarist. Whatever Kaoru had said to him had surely struck one hell of a nerve. Kaoru appeared again, following after Die, looking like he wanted to strangle the other. Kyo reached out and grabbed hold of his shirt sleeve. "Kao... leave him be for now. Please don't fight."

Kaoru grunted. "He's pissing me off. He's pissing the whole goddamned world off! What else am I supposed to do?"

"Let me handle it. I... I'll talk to him. We've all been cooped up in here three days now. Can't we afford to stop in an hour or so and spend the rest of night in a hotel or something? Maybe it'll repair everyone's nerves a bit. Then we can just get up real early and make the rest of the drive rather than getting there so early and waiting around forever. Is there really a point in being six hours early when we've already practiced a million times? We'll just do a fast warm up and sound check when we get there... okay?"

Kaoru sighed. "You sure you want to deal with his ass right now?"

"Yes... he's my best friend. Something's wrong between us and we'll work it out. Just... give me a chance to work on it before you beat him senseless. Please."

"Fine. I'll get the driver to find a hole-in-the-wall place we can stay and not be disturbed and we can afford, since I sincerely doubt management wants to pay for our fights." He headed off toward the front once more, stopping next to Nora to speak quietly with her. He came back after a minute and plopped down next to Kyo. "She'll talk to the driver."

Kyo was silent for a moment, contemplating his options. Finally he put his pen back down and looked up at Kaoru. "I'll pay for the rooms... all of them. My idea, my problem."

Kaoru nodded slightly. "I'll pay for my own though."

A few hours later the bus pulled up at a rather seedy looking motel in Nowheresville, USA. Kyo, Kaoru and Nora were the only three to exit the bus, Kaoru telling the others to stay in the bus for the time being. Once at the desk, Nora began to ask for rooms for them before telling Kaoru and Kyo how much it was per room. It was fairly obvious that the guy at the desk was taking them for as much as he dared rather than the actual amount he'd normally charge, but at this point, Kyo couldn't have cared less. He pulled out all the American money he had on hand at the moment and counted through it. He glanced at Kaoru. "I only have enough for three rooms on me."

"I have enough for mine. We'll just get four rooms then."

Nora relayed the message to the man at the desk and they paid, receiving four room keys in return. Kaoru immediately handed one to Nora. "You get your own room. Go get some rest." She bowed to him before rushing back to the bus to get her stuff.

Kaoru shoved one key in his pocket and handed the other two to Kyo. "Tell them tough shit, we're rooming together. You'd best make it so that you and Die are together and work things out." He headed off toward his own room, not even bothering to get any luggage.

Kyo walked slowly back to the bus, contemplating just how he was going to get this to work. Fate seemed to be on his side, as Toshiya was standing outside of the bus, smoking. He held out a room key to the bassist. "Here. We could only afford four rooms. You and Shinya get one of them... I know how much you two hate my snoring."

Toshiya nodded, bowing slightly in thanks before tossing his cigarette down and grabbing both his and Shinya's suitcases from under the bus. "Hey, Shin! Get your scrawny ass out here and help!"

Shinya appeared in the doorway of the bus and immediately descended the steps to help Toshiya.

Kyo sighed softly as he retrieved both his and Die's suitcases before slowly trudging up the steps and into the bus. He paused beside the guitarist, watching him doze for a moment before reaching out and lightly shaking him. "Die... we've got a room, get up."

Die grunted and opened one eye to stare at Kyo. "Sleeping... go away."

"Nope, not going away. Room. Bed." He pointed toward the building. "Over there. Not here. Now get up."

Die groaned as Kyo shook his shoulder again, reluctantly getting to his feet and following Kyo down the steps, rubbing at his eyes.

They made their way toward the hotel room, Kyo still holding both bags, unwilling to let Die have his own, lest he decide to go find his own room with it. He opened the door and gestured Die inside, only following once the other male was safely inside the room. He pulled the door shut and locked it behind him before ditching the bags onto the rickety table serving as the stand for the coffee maker and old-school TV. "Who gets the shower first?"

Die yawned as he flicked on the TV. "You... I'll see how much of this I can understand."

Kyo nodded, grabbing what he needed from his bag and heading into the shower.

Die sat there while Kyo showered, staring at the TV but not really seeing or hearing it. His thoughts centered around how much he regretted what he'd done, how much he wished he could take it back and just feel normal around Kyo again. Instead, every time he looked at the other, his body tingled in memory. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the equivalent of Kyo's body beneath him, hear the moans of pleasure. He groaned softly as he buried his head into his hands. Why was it so damn hard to get over this? It was just a meaningless fuck, some girl whose name he still didn't know. Nothing more. Yet he couldn't just let it go. The whole thing had done the direct opposite of what it had been meant to do. He'd intended to sate the curiosity, the desire within him. But instead, he'd stoked the fires, forced them to burn white hot and made them almost impossible to ignore.

Kyo reemerged from the bathroom, wearing sweatpants and nothing but.

Die was hard pressed not to stare at him, forcing his eyes on the floor instead. "Done?"

"Yup. All yours."

Die bit his lip as he got up and pulled his stuff out of his overnight bag. How he wished those words meant more than they truly did. But such thoughts were only stupidity. He turned and headed into the bathroom, purposely avoiding looking at Kyo. Angrily, he peeled of his clothing, letting them fall haphazardly to the floor before stepping into the shower and turning it on full blast. The air was still steamy from Kyo's shower, smelling faintly of the soap Kyo carried with him to use. He swallowed hard as he began to scrub off, almost viciously tearing at his skin with the washcloth.

He hadn't had a chance to take a shower since he'd been with the girl and he felt like it was her stench clinging to him rather than his own from nearly three days in a bus. If there was something that he truly hated about touring in the US, it was the fact that he couldn't shower every night, couldn't sleep in a nice hotel bed, and the lack of a bidet anywhere they stayed was enough to drive him mad. Even the damn language barrier was better than this shit. Sourly, he scrubbed, leaving his skin pink and raw feeling in his wake.

Only once he was clean did he even dare to let himself think of anything else. He closed his eyes, wetting his hair before applying shampoo and scrubbing until white suds ran down his arms. He leaned back into the spray, letting it wash away the shampoo and massage his scalp. One hand slid down his chest, past his abdomen, into the neatly trimmed patch of hair at the juncture of his thighs. He let a soft whimper escape his lips as he grasped himself in his hand and began to pump his hardened shaft. He moved a bit out of the spray, placing his free hand on the wall for stability as he worked at himself, intent on bringing himself off as fast as possible.

The door clicked open, cool air wafting in from the room. Die gasped softly, his body tensing as he instantly turned away from the door, knowing that the thin clear plastic of the shower curtain provided him absolutely no privacy. "Kyo?" He cursed himself silently as his voice wavered a bit. He dared peek over his shoulder to see if the other man was really there, praying he was wrong and that the door just hadn't closed all the way. His hopes were dashed as Kyo's voice greeted him along with the sound of the toilet seat being lifted.

"Yeah, sorry. I really shouldn't have had all the fucking coffee today. I have to piss like every ten minutes, seriously. I tried to wait on you to come out, but it was this or go and find a bush or something. I'm sure Kao would strangle me if I did that." He laughed, though it came out sounding slightly forced.

Die grunted, quickly retrieving his discarded washcloth and soaping it once again. He stared down at the cloth as he ran the soap over it, noticing with dismay just how much his hands were shaking. Could things get any worse than this?

"You almost done?"

"Yeah, just finishing..."

"Okay, good. Can I flush?"

"Yeah..." Die discarded the cloth and the soap, rinsing his hands before turning off the faucets. "Go for it."

Kyo flushed the toilet and retreated from the room, washing his hands at the sink before heading back into the other part of the room.

Die stared at the door, slightly disgruntled. The least he could have done was close the damn door again, but no, life had to prove him wrong, show him that it, in fact, could be worse. He focused his glare on the door as he shoved the shower curtain back and grabbed a towel. He exited the tub and toweled off, hidden behind the door as much as possible as he dried and dressed. He grabbed his pile of dirty clothes and brought them out with him, shoving them into his bag before brushing his teeth. Once he was done, he went to the bed Kyo wasn't sitting on and yanked the covers back, quickly crawling under them and turning his back on his bandmate.

A few minutes later, Kyo turned out the light and got into his own bed. Shortly after, he spoke up, determined to get this whole thing over with. "Die?"

"What?" He couldn't keep the annoyance from his voice.

"We need to talk."

"Can't it wait?"

"No... we need to do this now."

Die rolled over to peer across the darkened room at the vocalist. "Well, get talking then. I'm tired."

Kyo sighed. "I... I saw her, Die."

Die tensed slightly. No way... there was no way in hell Kyo could know what he'd done. Surely he was talking about something else. "Saw who?" His voice came out calmly, managing not to betray him.

Kyo was silent for a moment, deliberating just how he should phrase things in order to get this all done with the fastest. "The one that was trying to be me... the one you fucked the other night. I saw her leaving your room."

Die gasped sharply and then attempted to cover it by coughing. "It... it's not what you think."

"Oh? I think it's exactly what I think. The walls in that place were paper thin, Die. I could hear you and her moaning through the wall. I had to go outside just to get some peace and quiet. I ran into her as I was coming back inside. You fucked her. It's as simple as that. And considering that you've been behaving like an ass ever since then, I'd say I'm pretty accurate in guessing that it bothered you somehow. So spill, 'cause I'm sick of having the guy I like to consider my good friend and bandmate treat me and everyone else like shit."

Die swallowed hard against the lump rising in his throat. He vaguely realized he was so afraid that this was the end of everything that he was shaking uncontrollably. "I..." he sighed, "yes, I did sleep with her. So what? What the hell do you want me to say about it? I fucked up, now I get to pay for it. Just get on with it and yell at me. It's what you want to do, so just fucking do it already!"

Kyo sat up and glared across the darkness toward the guitarist. "If anything, it's your attitude lately that makes me want to yell, not this. I just want to know why you'd go screw my lookalike. We've been friends for years and you've never so much as given a hint that you might be even the least bit interested in men. And now you go and pick up some chick that looks just like me and fuck her? If that's not telling me what I think it is, then you're really fucking weird."

"What?!" Die sat up as well. "If I fucked her just because I wanted to fuck someone and she was there, then I'm a weirdo. But if I fucked her because I secretly want to fuck you, then I'm not? What the hell kind of logic is that?!"

Kyo shrugged, turning on the small lamp beside the table. "My logic... the logic of a man you've called your best friend in the past. The logic of someone who's thoroughly confused as to exactly why you did what you did." He fell silent for a moment as he stared hard at the guitarist. "If you can't be honest and upfront with me, what's left between us, Die? Co-workers? Frankly, I'd rather still have a friend when this is all said and done."

Die glared at him. "I could kill Kaoru for making us stop tonight."

"Don't you dare blame him for this! He wanted to beat the hell out of you for the way you've been behaving toward us all. I stopped him and proposed this little stop so we could work things out. And I'll be damned if either of us are leaving this room until we've sorted this out. I'm not losing a friend tonight. I flat ass refuse."

"Yeah, well, make me! I don't want to talk about this and I won't!"

Kyo bit back a snarl. He could feel himself trembling with the effort of not turning this whole thing into a screaming match. But some part of it was just too much. Maybe the fact that he didn't want to believe Die would refuse to work things out or maybe that his own questions remained fully unanswered by the man he'd stood beside for thirteen years and called his friend. Whatever it was, he snapped, finally letting out everything he'd been feeling for three days, unable to keep it all inside any longer. "What is it really, Daisuke?! Did you enjoy fucking that little lookalike bitch so damn much that you don't even want to be friends with the real thing anymore?!" He shoved himself out of the bed and yanked Die from his own, shoving him back until he hit the wall between the beds, where he pinned him with both hands on his chest. "Or maybe you haven't got half the goddamned guts I thought you did and you're in love with me and just can't fucking spit it out. Or is it that you regret what you did because you realize now that little-old-piece-of-shit-Kyo isn't good enough for Mr. Big-shot-Daisuke?!" He slammed one open palm into Die's chest angrily. "Answer me, you asshole!"

Die stared at Kyo for a few moments, completely shocked by the anger radiating from the shorter man. Kyo's words cut through him like well-sharpened blades and he let out something akin to a sob, just wanting it all to stop. He let his legs fall out from beneath him and he slid down the wall into the floor, where he covered his face with his hands. "I... I'm so sorry, Kyo. Please forgive me."

Kyo stared at him from his position, towering over him. "Then answer my fucking questions. Why'd you do it and what the hell is wrong with you now that you did?"

"I thought... I thought I could use her as a substitute for what I really wanted... for you. And I did! And it fucking worked... too damn well! It didn't do what it was supposed to, not at all. I thought if I slept with her, pretended it was you, then I could just go on with my life and stop wondering 'what if' all the damn time. But no! Everything backfired and blew up in my face. That's what's wrong with me! I can't think of anything but you now that I did that. And when I do, I feel like I betrayed you or that I defiled you somehow by fucking her. I feel like the worst asshole in the world for doing what I did and I can't fucking take it back!" He reached out and slammed his fist into the side of the bed. "Fuck it all to hell!" He pulled back to do it again, but Kyo's hand closed over his own, stopping him.

"Don't." He lightly ran his thumb over Die's fingers. "You'll bruise yourself all up."

Die glared down at their hands. "I deserve worse than that. Why don't you just do Kaoru and everyone else a favor and beat me?"

Kyo shoved his shoulder back into the wall and leaned close to him. "No. Now look at me." When Die didn't, he let out a soft growl of impatience. "Now."

Die looked up, staring deep into Kyo's fiery eyes. A shiver crept along his spine at the emotion he found there, the sheer amount of it almost overwhelming.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I refuse. And you're not going to hurt yourself... not over this." He sighed as he shifted onto his knees. "So you wanted me... or rather, still do. But you slept with her to try to stop wanting me and then it didn't work, just made you want me more. Now you're acting like an ass because you're frustrated that you'd do such a thing, that it'd then go and not work, and because you feel like you've hurt me somehow by doing it. Is that right?"

Die nodded slightly.

Kyo just sat there for a minute, a contemplative look on his face. "Aside from the fact that she was cosplaying me... what'd she do?"

Die swallowed. "You want me to tell you what we did?" He stared at Kyo as if the vocalist had lost his mind somewhere along the way.

"Yep. I want to know why it's so bad in your mind. I mean... she's a girl... or at least she certainly sounded like one."

Die stared down at his hand, pulling it slowly from Kyo's grasp and then absently rubbing at it. "Yeah... she was a girl."

"Then how could it make you want me more? Last time I checked girls and guys pack different equipment."

"Part of it's the same..."

Kyo tilted his head slightly. "Hm... anal then?"

Die winced. "Um-hum."

"And?"

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Nope."

"Fine... she had this strap-on double-ended dildo thing. She claimed her cosplay wasn't 'complete' without it. She made me call her by your name and on top of that, she had me give her a freaking reach-around with the damn dildo!" He cringed at how high pitched his voice was becoming.

Kyo smirked. "That's pretty fucking kinky, Die."

"Shut up."

"What would you do if I went and found a cosplayer that looked like you and fucked them in the room right next to yours so you could hear me?"

Die blushed. "Probably listen." The words came out choked and mostly whispered.

Kyo arched an eyebrow at him and then laughed. "At least you're honest now. That's a hell of a lot better than trying to hide everything from me."

They were quiet for a minute and then Kyo stood up, helping Die from the floor as well. They both crawled back into their respective beds and Kyo turned out the light again.

Die lay there, staring up at the ceiling for a few minutes before he got the nerve to speak again. "Kyo?"

"Yeah?"

"You forgive me?"

"Yeah... I do."

"I don't deserve it, but thank you."

"No, you deserve it... now that you actually spoke with me. Just don't go getting all stoved up again or I will kick your ass."

"I won't...."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"I guess."

"How long have you wanted me for?"

Die hesitated, deliberating how much worse it could make things if Kyo knew the truth. "Several years at least..."

"So you're actually bisexual then?"

"I... I guess that's what it makes me."

"I'm not averse to it, you know."

Die turned over and stared at Kyo's blanket covered form. "Averse to what exactly?"

"Bisexuality. Why not get the best of both sides?"

"I thought you hated people who wanted to be with someone of the same sex."

"No... my image does. I don't. It would be hypocritical of me to hate same-sex relationships."

Die stared at him. "What?"

"You heard me... now go to sleep."

Die turned over and stared up at the ceiling for a minute before shaking his head and closing his eyes. "Night, Kyo."

"Night."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Die meets a fan who cosplays so well that it's like looking at a reflection his best friend, he can't resist the temptation to do the one thing that's always been off-limits to him. One thing leads to another... but how will it all end when Kyo confronts him about it?

Two and a half weeks had passed since Die and Kyo had managed to somewhat work things out between them. Things had returned to some semblance of normal, the band once more functioning as the cohesive unit they usually did. Kaoru had been slightly disgruntled for a few days, but had been kind enough to not bring up the entire matter again. Toshiya and Shinya had simply decided Die had gotten too stressed out or something and had all but forgotten about Die's prior foul mood.

Most of the day had been relatively quiet, everyone kind of doing their own thing, not really paying attention to anyone else in the process. They'd gone through setup and sound check methodically and then retreated to their dressing room and gone back to doing what they'd been doing on the bus all day. At five minutes till showtime, Kaoru got up, stretched, and called the others together for their pre-show ritual.

They filed out onstage in their usual order, greeted by the cheers of hundreds of fans. For the first few songs, things progressed as usual. But then Kyo seemed to switch gears, from his normal angry-cutting self, into seductively sexy. With every move he made, every moan that left his lips, Die found it harder and harder to concentrate on the fans and the music instead of his bandmate. The rest of the set seemed to fly by for the rhythm guitarist, only Kyo truly existing.

When they retreated backstage before the encore, Die refused to even so much as look at Kyo. Surely the vocalist knew just how he was affecting him? Maybe he just didn't care that he was... or maybe Die's confession was so easily dismissed. Whatever it was, Die only knew that no matter what, he'd need some personal time that night. Inwardly, he thanked the gods that they were staying the night in this city before moving on with the tour.

They slipped back out onstage, silencing the chants for more. Kyo continued his sexy little pelvic movements, even going so far as to grab himself once, moaning into the microphone as he did so. As the notes of the last song faded away, Kyo licked the length of his microphone before tossing it to the floor and screaming, his nails running down the length of his torso, leaving a bloody trail behind. Then he simply turned and walked off stage, the others following him after tossing out more picks to the crowd.

Die found their after-show discussion in the tour bus to be awkward, as all he could think of to say were things he surely shouldn't. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, almost constantly, until they pulled up at the hotel and he all but launched himself out of the bus. Kaoru was the next to exit the bus and he fixed Die with an odd gaze before shaking his head and going inside with Nora to get their rooms. Die managed to smoke two cigarettes in the time span it took Kaoru and Nora to reappear. Once he got his key, he snatched up his bag and headed toward his room, not sparing anyone even a single glance.

Halfway down the hall, he heard Kyo call out his name. He paused, his entire body tensing. Kyo wasn't exactly the person he wanted to see right now. "What?" His voice came out slightly more irritated than he'd meant for it to.

Kyo stopped beside him. "I um... I was wondering if you wanted to hang out for a little while tonight before we crash. I'm still kind of wound up from the show, so there's no way in hell I'm sleeping yet."

Die stared down at his shoes for a moment before nodding slightly. "Sure... just let me take my shower first."

Kyo nodded. "Alright. See you in... fifteen minutes?"

"Yeah, sure..." Die headed the rest of the way down the hall to his room. He noted that Kyo stopped three doors away before he slid into his room and quickly began preparing for his shower. He reemerged from the shower, somewhat frustrated, seeing as how he couldn't bring himself to finish what Kyo had managed to start on stage, some little nagging thought in the back of his mind telling him it just wouldn't be right if he did. He quickly toweled off and dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, before heading down the hall to Kyo's room. Die stood there for a minute, unsure if this was the best of ideas or not. But finally, he gave up, knocking lightly on the door. After all, if he couldn't just hang out with Kyo anymore, then he'd truly lost the friendship he valued so much.

Kyo opened the door, still damp from his shower, and beckoned him inside. He stepped inside, unable to keep his eyes off of the vocalist as little rivulets of water slid from his blonde hair down his well-toned torso.

Kyo closed the door behind them and gently herded Die into the room, a smirk dancing over his lips. He plopped down on the king-sized bed, patting the space beside him. "Sit."

Die came over and gingerly sat on the edge of the bed, keeping his distance from Kyo, despite the fact that he was still unable to tear his gaze away from the other man. He shifted uncomfortably, seriously starting to regret his earlier decision.

Kyo watched him quietly for a few minutes before speaking up. "I made you uncomfortable today, didn't I?"

"What?" Die wrenched his gaze up from a particularly stubborn water droplet that had lodged itself just above Kyo's collarbone to the other's eyes.

Kyo leaned closer, leaving almost no distance between himself and the guitarist. He lowered his voice significantly. "I said... I made you uncomfortable today... didn't I?"

Die swallowed hard. "A bit..." He pulled back slightly, shaking his head. "And you seem to be working toward the same goal right now, in case you haven't noticed." Before Die could really register what was happening, Kyo had him pinned against the mattress and was straddling him. He gasped in surprise, staring up at the vocalist and praying to any god that would listen that Kyo didn't move enough to figure out just how uncomfortable he was managing to make him.

Kyo's voice was almost a purr as he spoke into Die's ear. "I'm not really trying to make you uncomfortable... I'm trying to make you go after what you want." His tongue snaked out, gently running along the shell of Die's ear. "But obviously, I'm just going to have to take what I want instead."

Die gasped beneath him, instinctively searching out more bodily contact. He pulled the other down against him, grinding his half-hard length against the vocalist as a breathy moan left his lips. "Kyo..."

Kyo rolled them over, so that Die was lying on top of him as he smirked up at the other. He trailed his fingertips down Die's chest, before yanking his shirt off and tossing it aside. "I've been thinking on what you said... and now I can't get _you_ out of my head." He untied the string holding up Die's pants and slid his fingers under the waistband, slowly pushing them down. "I want you, Die."

Die trembled beneath the touch, briefly closing his eyes before he lifted himself up just enough to allow Kyo to slip his pants down. He shivered slightly as the cool air hit his skin. Almost immediately the vocalist's hand wrapped around his length, leaving him almost breathless. "Hnn... Kyo." He leaned down, claiming the blonde's mouth with his own, his tongue almost frantically meeting with Kyo's as he bucked slightly against the other's hand. As he pulled back, gasping for air, he grabbed Kyo's pants and yanked them down as well, sliding off the bed for a moment to discard both his own, and Kyo's pants.

He slipped back onto the bed, between Kyo's legs, kissing him hungrily again before pulling back to rake his eyes over the beauty beneath him. He ran one hand over the taut muscles of the other's abdomen, down into the coarse hair below that he'd come so close to catching a glimpse of in the past, all the way to the blonde's straining length. He swiped one finger over the head, fondling the metal piercing there, causing the other to gasp. He smirked, leaning down to lick at it once before trailing kisses up Kyo's abdomen and chest, pausing at his neck to trace the tattoo there with his tongue.

Kyo slid one hand into Die's hair, pulling him closer. With the other he fished under the pillow, pulling out a condom and lubricant and pressing them into Die's hand. "Take me." His voice came out hoarse and needy.

Die took the offered items, quickly opening and rolling on the condom, discarding the package onto the floor below. His hand shook as he opened the cap of the lube, squirting some out onto himself and rubbing it over his length. He put a bit more on his fingers before tossing the lube aside and pressing two fingers against Kyo's entrance. "So long, Kyo... so fucking long I've wanted this..."

Kyo's hand tightened in Die's hair at the intrusion of the other's fingers, but only briefly, as he forced himself to relax against it. He pressed back against Die, forcing his fingers all the way in.

Die pumped them in and out a few times before removing them completely and pressing himself against Kyo. He thrust in, his hips snapping forward almost harshly as he buried himself to the hilt.

Kyo whimpered softly, but all the same arched up to meet Die's thrust.

Die waited, not wanting to start too soon and cause his lover any undue pain. He ran his hand through Kyo's damp hair, kissing down his jaw as he did. "Tell me when..."

Kyo moved a bit, experimentally, before nodding. "Fuck me, Die. Fuck me hard."

Die moaned as he began to move, his hips languidly moving him in and out of his lover at a maddeningly slow pace. When he could stand it no longer, he began to thrust harder, faster, deeper into the vocalist. His breath came in harsh panting gasps with each thrust, as he steadily moved closer and closer to his release. Vaguely he remembered that there was some way to cause Kyo immense pleasure, just by where he hit with each thrust, so he began to change the angle each time. A few tries later, Kyo arched up from the bed, a broken scream leaving his lips as he all but clawed at Die's arms. Die kept the angle, thrusting harder and faster, just to hear the sexy sounds flowing from Kyo's mouth. He reached between them, grasping Kyo's straining erection and pumping it harshly in time with his thrusts, desperately wanting to bring his lover off first.

Kyo let out a choked cry of pleasure as his entire body tensed. A second later, Die slammed into him, striking Kyo's prostate once more. An all out scream left the vocalist's lips as he released all over his own abdomen and Die's hand.

Die moaned as he watched Kyo writhe in ecstasy beneath him. He kept his pace for a few more thrusts, only faltering once his own climax hit him, crashing him into a world of bliss as he came hard inside of the other.

He stayed for a moment, just holding onto the other, not really wanting everything to end but knowing there was no other way. His hand slid down between them, holding the condom as he pulled out. He stood on shaky legs, going to the bathroom and to flush the evidence of their encounter away. He came back with a warm washcloth, kneeling down between Kyo's legs and gently cleaning him. He tossed the washcloth aside once he was done, unable to peel his eyes away from the vocalist. Finally he turned away, leaning down and grabbing his sweats from the floor and pulling them on. He sat Kyo's pants on the bed beside of him. "Should I go now?" He inwardly winced at the evident pain in his voice, cursing the fact that he couldn't hide everything the way he should have been able to.

Kyo looked up from pulling on his own pants. He settled back against the bed, studying Die. "Do you want to go?"

Die turned to look at him, his eyes betraying his every emotion. "No..."

Kyo held out one arm. "Then don't."

Die studied him, a confused look on his face.

"Why would I kick you out? After all you've confessed to me, after we just shared the most intimate thing we possibly can..." he shook his head, "there's no way I'd turn you out, Die."

The guitarist settled in beside him, wrapping one arm around his waist and leaning in to gently kiss him. Kyo responded to the kiss and when Die pulled back, he stayed leaning slightly over him, his eyes closed, a slightly pained look on his face. Kyo's fingers gently tracing over his cheek snapped him back to reality and he stared down at the other for a moment before lying back down. "Can I ask something?"

"Always."

"Was this just about sex for you?"

Kyo hesitated, but only for a fraction of a second, before replying. "No. I wouldn't have let it happen if that was all there was to it."

"Then... does that mean that this is more than just..." He couldn't figure out how to end the question without sounding like so many of his past girlfriends, something he didn't relish being even compared to in any way.

"Yes... if you'll accept."

Die pulled Kyo closer, relishing the heat of the other against his side. "How could I not?"

Kyo buried his smile against Die's neck as he closed his eyes, allowing the strain of the entire day to finally claim him. His final thought was of how much he hoped his lover would be there beside him when he woke the next morning.


End file.
